Ahh breakups, so hard but so necessary. As I go through this process again the lyrics to the 2007 Leona Lewis “Better in Time” song come to mind.
“Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeah (It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve too
Oh (It'll all get better in time)
Since there's no more you and me (No more you and me)
This time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is
I will be fine without you
Yes I will”
During this hard time, I have to comfort myself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. When I get down, I tend to get lethargic but now is not the time for lethargy. Like most breakups, I saw it coming but put it off. I think because the relationship started when I was in a point of transition (the summer in between business school years) that I believed I needed the relationship to carry me through the next transition (graduation and life beyond business school). I think the fatal flaw in that thought is I became too dependent on that person and was placing burdens on them meant for God; our relationship was supposed to last a season and I was trying to carry it into another. And now I’m depending on God to heal me and carry me into the next season.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isiah 46:4
Friends and family have been helpful in this process, and honestly I’ve cried more from their words of encouragement than from the actual relationship ending.
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” Proverbs 27: 9
What makes a lot of breakups difficult is that they don't end badly and the person wasn’t a bad person. So feelings will inevitably linger but in the end I know that differences between us would make for a contentious marriage that ultimately wouldn’t bring God glory. Here’s a quote from the late Billy Graham,
“The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to His redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and His church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream.”
As I move forward, I’m seeking God for next steps. I’m excited to grow closer to Him and get more involved in ministry.
Sometimes it is hard to have a long-term vision for your life and not grow impatient or ungrateful in the present. I think just as God exists as Three Distinct Persons (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) we must think of our lives in three planes: the past, present, and future. We must thank God for our past—the lessons learned, the blessings provided—and our present—His provision and protection—and our future—His blessings and Sovereignty. And when we grow impatient in the present to remember, what God promises us will come to pass.
“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2: 3
Commentary (Life Application Study Bible, NIV): To trust God fully means to trust Him even when we don’t understand why events occur as they do.
As we are operating in our present and trusting God for next steps in our path, He is right there, ready to provide the tools we need.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
This wisdom will enable us to make the right choices and decisions to be in places where God intends us to be—where we can receive our blessings.
“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place where he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him to the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.” Hebrews 11: 8-10.
Commentary: Do not be surprised if God asks you to give up secure, familiar surroundings in order to carry out his will.
I don’t know your particular situation but as you work toward your next, I pray you thank God through your present, and give Him praise for carrying you through your past.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5: 16
Hi! I'm Marilyn!